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Hey Hickory Wind Ranch blog readers! What do you think of this prayer?
God, I offer myself to Thee to teach me lessons, to punish me for not doing a better job at managing my own life, and to keep me arms length from anything truly amazing. Take
away aspects of my difficulties, leaving the incredibly tough and
confusing stuff for me to handle so that I may struggle with life
indefinitely, and so that I may complain about these struggles to my
fellows over coffee. Provide me with mediocrity, at best, and keep me far
from any kind of success or mastery, so I don’t intimidate anyone or get a
big head. May I do Your will always; assuming Your will is for me to limit
myself in all possible ways, and then blame that on You. Amen.
I agree! And, that’s a good sign of sanity, my friend! You see, I did some soul searching around my previous hesitation to surrender my will and life to the will of my Higher Power. In being as honest as possible I saw that I had a deeply buried, fundamental, and totally unworkable idea that the will of this Higher Power I was being expected to surrender to may just suck for me.
I know, today, that the idea of a cruel and uncaring Higher Power was something I had made up. But, when I dug deep into the cause of my reservations, thats the belief that was there! So, you can imagine my hesitation. The offer to surrender looked a lot like this: Okay, here are your choices!: You can have Your Will, which will be stressful, full of
uncertainty, and messy decisions… Or you can surrender to the Will of your Higher Power where you won’t get anything you want, and you’ll have to pretend to be happy with something that royally sucks, so that you don’t look like a jerk.
Talk about a tough choice!
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Thankfully, it was pointed out to me that I had it all wrong. In
the 12 steps, step two is about coming to believe that this Higher Power can
restore me to sanity. Sanity is a good thing. I think sanity is great,
myself. And, in my opinion, any sane person would want good things for
themselves and for the people they love. So that was some evidence that
this Higher Power may want good for me, after all.
Next, in step three, it would only make sense to turn my will and life
over to the care of that Higher Power– the one I’m choosing to believe is
going to restore me to sanity, that is. You could even say it would be a
little crazy for me to turn my will and life over to some vengeful,
spiteful, angry God. And what a contradiction it would be to believe that
the Higher Power who would restore me to sanity would do so only to make
me suffer. Right?
So, once that was cleared up, I was told that I actually had a particular
perspective (or belief) in the matter of this Higher Power. That belief,
as I mentioned, was that the will of this Higher Power was not in my favor
and was bad news altogether. I was also told that it was my choice to
shift that perspective, and to believe something that supported me.
Because I had a ton of evidence (reasons) to support my dis-empowering
belief, I was given an assignment. The assignment was to go about
gathering new evidence for a God, or a Higher Power, who was caring and
kind. One way I did that was to look back over my life, at some of the
horrible things that had happened, to see if I could find any value in
those situations– lessons learned, contributions to my character, etc.
The other way I did that was I began to look for that same flavor of
potential goodness in my current situations and circumstances.
So, I offer that up to you in your own adventures with surrendering!
Rest assured that all of this wealth of wisdom and experience, handed down
by those who came before us, is being used as we continue working on the
Recovery Revolution #1 project: Recovery Revolutionaries Delivering What
Matters! We’re surrendering the project to the will of a Higher Power who
wants GOOD for us, and for our fellows! If you want to know more about the
Recovery Revolution #1 project, you can check it out on our site– just
click on the paper bag Recovery Revolution icon in the sidebar. Until next
time– don’t drink, drug, or try to off yourself!
Recovery Worth Recovering For